Antoun,

Hope you don't mind a little more psychoanalyzing;

What is "purpose" and why do we need it?

What you describe of other people are hobbies, loves, distractions, etc. that manage to occupy their minds.

What then is the mind?

It is this sense of awareness that is constantly active. Presumably it's not physical in any way, but I would argue that.

As a child, I remember laying on the porch, watching this ant crawling/walking along. Then it stopped, like it sensed something. Then I could see this tiny cone of awareness, waving around with its antennae. This has become a basic habit of mine, to see/feel others energies. Most commonly as spots and sequences of spots, lines, waving, moving around. Sometimes it just grabs my focus and I can feel their attention like it is a magnet. Then I'll get these thoughts, senses, like I'm plugging into their thoughts.

I big part of this is that I try not to project anything of myself. To just be a clear bubble of being and be an antenna, picking up signals in the space. A big part of the control is like visual focus. To see the space ahead of me and not just whatever the light is shining off of, that is conventionally visible.

My responses usually involve projecting the surrounding environment, which gives me more control for less effort. Then I feed their senses back into the patterns around them. Squeeze their bubbles.

Having grown up training race horses, it comes naturally.

The point here is that people are concentrations of this consciousness. Their own sense of awareness is like the sun and everyone else are stars, that are not visible when the self is projecting itself onto everything.

Yet this sentience is elemental, like that ant. People are very complex formulations of it.

Flies have very quick reflexes, because there is not much neurological hardware between sense functions and motor functions.

Athletes practice speeding up their response times through repetition. To short out and bypass all that neurological hardware.

What people look for in those habits, hobbies, loves, etc is to shut down all the excess mental activity and get in that space that flows.

Why?

Because we have evolved all that mental hardware as a consequence of dealing with endless problems. The bad, not the good. When it's all good, we don't have to think, just enjoy. Thinking is for when there are problems to solve. When we can't solve them, it creates stress, so we find ways to shut out the thinking. Things can be 95% good, but it's the 5% that's wrong that can kill us.

Then consider we have been evolving this analytical ability for millions, hundreds of millions of years.

Safe to say, for most of that time, there was always something to keep our minds busy, food, sex, shelter, competition, cooperation, work and goofing off in the free moments.

What really changed?

We are currently surfing that couple billion years of stored sunlight, aka, fossil fuels. Such that much of that natural busyness is being done by machines and now the media is overwhelming our senses with information. Then society is retreating into a bunch of hypersensitive Karens.

So people find ways to retreat back into some sort of bubble of busyness, to keep their minds occupied, but not stressed.

You, on the other hand, have had too many circuits fried. There is nothing that can hold your attention. It's all too lightweight. You can't rescue what you loved and lost, but you are strong enough not to let it kill you yet. If I may be presumptuous, you don't even feel enough to want to die, because death doesn't have any mystery for you.

So the question, if you can't live and you can't die, what do you do? What problems can you solve? What task can you set your mind to, that would qualify as purpose to you?

How about finish killing God?

It is the foundational cause for those giving you the most grief. The Israelis are certainly setting monotheism up for the kill.

As I keep pointing out, ideals are not absolutes. The presumption of monotheism is the ideal as absolute.

It's not complicated, but it's a bit too sublime for most people.

Though there is one group of people, whom you do have some connections, who might find it interesting to debate, given the state of the world.

Academics.

In very simple terms, it would certainly appeal, given that much of academia views itself as atheist. Though the underlaying implications would blow up much of the basis of modern understandings, so those deeper consequences are to be avoided and let it bubble up as a neutral philosophic discussion. Grassroots.

Don't know if this is any help, but you do seem to want life to be interesting again. Dragons to slay.