I guess the issue of free will versus determinism hasn't been how I've conceptualized this relationship between my sense of existence and the world it's embedded in. Though it might be one aspect of it.

Having grown up as a younger child in a family largely involved in horse racing, the issue wasn't so much my degree of personal freedom, as being able to predict what might happen in the immediate future. Usually because I'd find myself in situations where I'd get hurt.

I found I not only was bad at predicting, but that it was like there were little gremlins making things come out diametrically opposite of what I would guess. So I learned to pull back my tendency to guess and try simply read the situation as it happened, without making any judgement. One of the first habits that grew out of this was to associate something in my vision with the thought I was having. It could be anything from a stick on the ground reflecting the direction I was going, or colors associated with reactions and emotions(green is opposite of red. balance.) This had the effect of releasing a little tension, like a small static shock.

The eventual effect was to tie myself into that larger world and sort of just surf reality. It developed from there, to how to mentally/emotionally expand/contract to fit the situations. Blend into the background. Stick pins in peoples bubbles when required and situations arose. Etc.

So it's not so much a situation of simply navigating the world, thus worry whether the path is ours to decide, but growing into and with it, like a plant.

The issue of determinism seems like arguing with a mirror. You can't win when you play its game.

Which is the problem of navigating society. We, as particular individuals, don't write the rules, but have to play by those the culture sets out and in situations like today, where several millennia of social feedback has created a fairly substantial box, that is increasingly corrupted, to the point few can win and those do monumentally.

Though that also creates a situation where the larger box is self destructing. Given the size and degree of the box, it's useful to have some sense of the basic habits of nature.