What you are describing is the basic dichotomy of life. The anarchy of desire, versus the tyranny of judgement. The heart and the head.
We all want ever so many things, but then have to chose among them and society has to do the same thing, or nature does it for us. We can't have our cake and eat it too. Not every acorn gets to be an oak tree.
The probem is that we have this paradigm of monolithic idealism. Where if something is better than something else, presumably there is some ultimately perfect state, toward which we must be progressing.
Yet nature is cyclical, reciprocal and feedback generated. More a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, where positive feedback can gradually turn to negative feedback, but we overshoot.
The fallacy of monotheism is that a spiritual absolute would be that essence of sentience, from which we rise, not an ideal of wisdom and judgement, from which we fell. While it has been a useful narrative device for instilling respect for culture and authority, confusing the ideal with the absolute is intellectually cancerous, as one is aspirational, while the other is elemental.
Consequently every movement that has sought to replace monotheism feels required to make the same presumption, that their ideals are absolute. Be it the Terrors of the French Revolution, the purges of Stalin, the various isms and ideologies, all must claim to be the one true road to nirvana. There can be no nuance and debate, when ideals are at stake.
The fact is that good and bad are not some cosmic duel between the forces of righteousness and evil, but the basic biological binary of beneficial and detrimental. The 1/0 of sentience. Even bacteria get that.
It is from this elemental dichotomy that all the higher order social and cultural aspirations emerge; Love, honor, trust, respect, responsibility, etc.
When conflicts arise, rather than each side being able to assume the other would hold to these higher standards and potentially use such obstacles for further growth, it tends to become a race to the bottom, of us versus them, good versus bad, because we do not see the difference between the aspirational and the elemental.
